Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
