Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We named our party play list daddy issues
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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