Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
