You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
