It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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