I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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