yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
