Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
