I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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