in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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