If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
