a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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