I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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