So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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