He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
