i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
