I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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