Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
