then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
