your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
