I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
