How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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