There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm like, not good at living.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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