i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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