I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
two words: eviction party
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
