Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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