what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
