Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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