Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We are two peas in an std pod
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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