R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
