I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
