the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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