is your mom at the bar?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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