you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
