Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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