we have pet lesbian snakes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
