I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
