youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
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I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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