I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
