erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
