Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
