o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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