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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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