I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
