There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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