woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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