apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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