Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
