no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
