Already got asked if we're dating
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
