Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
