why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
