Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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