Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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