I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
