These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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