well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is wine microwaveable?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
