Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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