Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
