he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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