So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
