i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
