I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize