just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?