Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(830): View more from Texas

You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

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(830): You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin http://tfl.nu/1khj

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

that girl last night was a 15

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

wait she was 15?

(413): View more from Massachusetts

no like black jack not sure if you should hit it

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(413): that girl last night was a 15 (1-413): wait she was 15? (413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it http://tfl.nu/qny1

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(512): View more from Texas

We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.

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(512): We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos. http://tfl.nu/fazf

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(817): View more from Texas

One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?

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(817): One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night? http://tfl.nu/ookm

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.

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(307): Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt. http://tfl.nu/gd2e

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(907): View more from Alaska

I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....

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(907): I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on.... http://tfl.nu/kmcf

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.

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(952): Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded. http://tfl.nu/fg0e

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(214): View more from Texas

look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.

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(214): look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT. http://tfl.nu/esfv

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.

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(414): I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants. http://tfl.nu/xbe1

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(604): View more from British Columbia

It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.

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(604): It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good. http://tfl.nu/yhf8

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.

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(337): I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet. http://tfl.nu/ug81

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(765): View more from Indiana

Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.

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(765): Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. http://tfl.nu/ym4c

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(559): View more from California

Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus

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(559): Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus http://tfl.nu/vfd2

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(410): View more from Maryland

You texted me a picture of your face along with #help

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(410): You texted me a picture of your face along with #help http://tfl.nu/jxdb

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(925): View more from California

Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.

(650): View more from California

Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.

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(925): Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to. (650): Its a good thing to know for upcoming events. http://tfl.nu/a1ga

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