is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner