Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza