take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.